从前从前，有个人爱你很久。

If one year was considered long.

I don’t know if I’m back to square one again. I shouldn’t be. I’ve fought against this feelings endlessly for countless of times. I don’t want to go back where I first started off again. I might be in heaven for a few minutes but the time spent in hell is so much more and you’re just not worth it. Or maybe, I’m just convincing myself you’re not.

When I look at you, I tell myself,”It’s really over.” but is it really over? I don’t know.

Hate myself for feeling this way. Hate myself for not ending all the hurt long time ago. Hate myself for letting myself fall so deep into a pit of nothingness. Hate myself for being so sadistic, to want to go into all that hurt again, experience it, and come out, trying to convince myself it’s over.

All the promises you made, how many actually came true? Let’s just say none.

All the bullshit talk of bringing me to various places, all the empty promises of doing certain things together, basically, they were just words but no action.

Only one thing you said came true. I didn’t want it to come true because then, it would make me seem weak. But maybe it isn’t me being weak, when the rules to the game have changed.

I don’t hope for anything because I know that there will be nothing.

Don’t want your hand this time, I’ll save myself. Maybe I’ll wake up for once. Tormented, daily defeated by you, that’s when I thought I’d reached the bottom.

This game will end. And this time round, I’ll end it myself.

6 November Permalink